


Wedding Plans Over Breakfast

by Silberias



Category: The Linguini Incident (1991)
Genre: F/M, Gen, The Linguini Incident is a weird little hallucination of a movie, unless you are REAL invested in ogling David Bowie the film may end up being a hard-pass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 04:40:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16360991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silberias/pseuds/Silberias
Summary: If Lucy had just decided to be rational when Monte cuffed her to the bed and ask him some important questions about why exactly he needs her help so badly. Pure fluff, and yes it largely ignores most of the rest of the movie.





	Wedding Plans Over Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> The Linguini Incident is a weird little hallucination of a movie. The film could be pretty triggering to people though, so before you run out and watch it: the main character gets trapped in a number of Houdini-style tricks involving submerged, locked bags, handcuffs, escaping from being bound up & with a rope around her neck. For a second she looks like she's gonna drown. The main guy basically ignores all of her protestations for most of the movie even though he's supposed to be the good guy. The bosses of the place all of the characters work at are walking sexual harassment claims--and all of this in basically the first 15 minutes of the movie. So unless you are REAL invested in ogling David Bowie the film may end up being a hard-pass for a lot of reasons for a lot of people nowadays.

Lucy laid straight as a board next to Monte until the sunrise cast faint shadows, enough to properly see his face. He wasn't a psychopath so far, he was dead to the world asleep and he hadn't so much as touched her after he'd cuffed them together. Her hand ached where the handcuff cut into her wrist, and she had nothing to do but think about what he said. It wouldn't hurt would it? She'd of course have to know exactly why—and no lies, damn it!—he needed this Green Card so damn badly. She sighed, stroking a hand down his chest, patting his heart once—he was probably quite hard on his luck if he wanted a woman like Lucy the Ethereal for a wife. His eyes scrunched together at her touch, opening slightly to look at her.

They regarded each other quietly for a few moments, the only sounds were the cars outside on the street.

"You wouldn't have to sleep with me, however much I'd like that on the table—all I really need from you is a signature, a few sincere words, and a smile to accompany the proper identification," he murmured, reading her mind it seemed like.

"Why do you need this, Monte? And why me?" he started to wake up a little, turning to lie on his side. His eyes were blue, she'd not looked him in the eye properly yesterday at all she realized.

"Why you? Well, you were mean to me last night in the most intriguing way possible—and I am also taking complete advantage of your rather unfortunate predicament concerning a key and a rope. I am somewhat of a rogue, which leads to your first question of why I need this so very badly."

And then he started telling her of a betting game he had started to lose with Cecil and Dante a few years ago—which was wholly unsurprising, they had a disturbing ability with betting it seemed—and it came to be that he owed them two million dollars if he failed to get married to one of the Dali's waitresses by Friday. If he married one of the waitresses by _Wednesday_ then _he_ got that two million dollars, otherwise his debts were simply forgiven.

"And I'll of course split it with you, providing that we get married today so that I get it at all. So, how about it, Lucy? And then we shall go to the Dali where I may present my dearest, and most beloved American wife, Lucy, to Chef Cecil and his partner Dante."

"And then?"

Something mischievous flashed across his face for half a moment.

"Well, I'm not averse to giving marriage a go—there are apparently tax benefits involved with it, I'm told. But I _do_ understand if you'd prefer we went our separate ways with our million dollars each."

Lucy looked away from his very blue gaze, biting her lip for a moment to give herself time to think.

"My friend Viv will probably drop by soon, and once she lets us loose maybe—"

"—we could work out the details over breakfast?" That drew a laugh out of her—Monte didn't seem to forget unfinished conversations or let himself be easily deflected. It was refreshing, a big change from the jerks who forgot the things she said or anything. And aside from his silly dealings with Cecil and Dante, he was wickedly intelligent. And he was waiting, fairly patiently too, for her answer.

"Yeah, okay," she scooted a little closer to him to look into those very, _very_ blue eyes. "But you gotta do one thing before I really say yes." That _something_ twinkled in his smile for a moment once again and Lucy decided she liked it.

"Oh? And what is that, my dearest Lucy?"

"You gotta kiss me, because if you can't kiss I'm not sure the tha—" She only had a moment to see that look once again before he had her pinned underneath him with his lips seemingly fastened against hers. It was a glorious kiss, really, and Lucy pouted when he leaned back away from her.

"Okay, Monte, okay. Well, I'm not su—"

"No, no, no, Lucy, I can kiss you perfectly well—you won't be holding your agreement over my head like the cruel woman that I know you aren't," he raised his eyebrows meaningfully, a frown marring his face momentarily, at her before continuing, "However, I see no problem continuing to kiss you in celebration of your agreement to this deal."


End file.
